It's always amazing to me to see how God puts different things together and shows them to me throughout a day or a week. Let me warn you, this is another entry on my 'single life."
What I mean is, for example, recently I was told that I have to truly think about forming friendships first, and then think about if the guy and I have potential or not for a future together. In my mind I'm thinking, oh my goodness, that could take forever! I realize I can be horribly inpatient in some areas of my life. As much as I want to give up searching for the man of my dreams, I'm having a hard time letting God take charge. What a struggle! I've taken the matter into my own hands for quite sometime now, and you see where it has gotten me! Eharmony has been a way to let me be in charge. It's been a way for me to call the shots, get rid of the guy if he's not what I want, and be bold enough to ask those questions you should usually wait awhile to ask someone! Yet, it's crazy to think how fast I can end something before it really starts. I want to know if I'm worth his time. I always seem to want to give my all, but I've realized guys aren't always like that - they like to take it slow! (at least in most of my experiences that is the case - why am I in such a rush?) I credit my experiences there for enabling me to truly know what I want in a guy, but it's left out the whole aspect of becoming friends with someone first. I know that's the way it should work - I've always wanted to end up with someone that I was friends with first - someone who knew my shortcomings but was still attracted to me and took initiative, but it just hasn't worked out that way yet. A girl can dream can't she?!
So you're probably wanting to know what I'm getting at aren't you? Well, recently I had a friend ask me if I was willing to give up searching on my own - if I've finally come to a place where I'm giving it all to God, and I had to be honest and admit that I wasn't at that point yet. Since then, I've done a lot of praying. Lots and lots of praying. I sat in church Sunday and opened up to a devotional that talked about being patient when coming to the one you will marry. Here is a little portion of it: White text - my thoughts!
"If there is anything that catches my attention, it's two people telling me they have known each other for a couple of months, and now they're ready to pledge themselves to each other for the rest of their lives. I want to say, "What? Do you know what 'the rest of your lives' means? It means thousands of breakfasts together, going through all kinds of financial crises together, maybe even watching each other get old and lose physical control. And you think you're ready to make this kind of decision after only a few days or weeks or months?"... (I am still holding on to my hopes of knowing soon after I meet "the one." I don't really know the definition of "soon" - especially if I become friends with him first...so nevermind...just keep reading.)
When a couple is ready to decide on something as all-encompassing as marriage after only a few weeks or months of dating, I assume their decision is long on fantasy and short on reality. It is an indication to me that the "task" of marriage is being seriously underestimated, that the maturity it takes to make a marriage successful year in and year out has not yet been developed...
It is a fact that choosing a mate for life is much more complex than the movies make it out to be. The prospect of marriage must be looked at from many angles, analyzed in good times and bad, evaluated for its longevity as well as its early excitement. I don't want to be unrealistic, but I am convinced that when people take two or three years to consider the quality of their partnership, they have a significantly better likelihood of making a wise and accurate choice. (So let me add at this point, I'm thinking - ok, if I finally met someone interested in me tomorrow, then I'd have to wait another three years before engagement took place, then a wedding, and well, I'd be almost 34 before I was married - forget being a 'young mom' :) and gosh, there is no way someone will come up to me tomorrow and say hey, let's try things out! LOL..so give me a couple of months on top of that - maybe even years, so wow - maybe I'll reach marriage by 40??? )
With this kind of crucial, life-changing decision, you need to be patient and thorough in collecting the important data. Take your time! It is much, much easier getting into a relationship than living through years and years of a painful, unfulfilling one.
-Neil Clark Warren, Ph.D. - It's the eHarmony man! I just had to laugh when I read who wrote this!
So back to how God puts things in your life...yesterday I had someone remind me that I have many eligible "friends," and after listing some of them, I realized, wow, she was right! What a blessing it would be to have someone in my life, that already knows me, that I don't feel like I have to "sell myself" to. I feel like that was what a lot of eHarmony has been about. Give me your experiences - here are mine - what do you think?
What have I been thinking all this time?! I know, I've been lonely and haven't really been around a lot of 'single' men living in small town Texas! What a blessing this past year has been for me though. I've said it over and over, and I stand amazed when I think of how my life has changed. I'm thankful for my family AND friends. I feel blessed that I do have close friends who share the same love for God as I do. Isn't that the most important quality of all? I know it is for me.
Back to how it relates - as I was driving up to the Public Library today, I was listening to KSBJ, as I usually do while in the car. I sometimes tire of the jokes, but what caught my attention was one of the women talking about her single life and what came out of her mouth shocked me! Actually, I wasn't shocked, I was amazed at how God brought the whole "friendship" thing in my life again. She went on to explain how singles think they have a hole to feel in their lives, and the only thing they can see missing is their future spouse. She began talking about how instead of being worried and on a mission to fill that missing void with an immediate spouse, why not take you time and build friendships. Let God, himself, fill the void.
Right then and there I prayed and I have to tell you, I truly gave it all to God! Wow - such a weight lifted off of me. It's not my duty to do what God has always intended to take care of. I just can't explain to you how good it feels to say that! Eharmony is history! So with all of those random thoughts written down, I just wanted to ask you to pray for me. To pray that although times may get tough, I remember that God is always here for me and with me. When the day does come, for me to be with the Godly man I have prayed so long for, it will be a true gift from God! (Even if I am 40!) I think that is well worth waiting for!
Thank you for reading this far. I know my thoughts can be a bit scattered at times, but I just wanted to share this with you. I pray you will have a blessed day as well.
"Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city."
-Proverbs 16:32
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2 comments:
Dear Addie: I have read with much interest your latest post. You see, I was where you are some 32 years ago when Gary proposed to me. I was 31 when we were married and pretty much given up ever "finding" the right man. God proved to me, once again, that He really has a sense of humor because Gary and I had known each other all our lives, had moved a 1000 miles apart; but, God knew we were both lonely and, in HIS time, HE brought us together!! And the story goes on. Don't give up. Remember, you are never alone as long as you have HIM in your life.
Adley - I love your honesty and I will definitely be praying for you. Thanks so much for sharing your heart. As Myrna always said, "God is always on time. He's never early and He's never late." He knows what you need and when the perfect time is for both of you. He's Good like that. :)
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